Growth is a paradox.
The paradox is that the prerequisite to change is acceptance. It’s only when we accept the way things currently are that we can change.
It doesn’t matter whether it’s a relationship that isn’t working or a job you feel is going nowhere.
When we galvanize our resources and take the needed steps, change can occur.
Jordan got his groove back.
“I want my groove back.” This is what a client recently said to me at our first session.
Jordan is a happily married man in his forties. He has a good job and a supportive family but feels that he should be much happier in his life.
Instead of enjoying himself, he is confused, anxious, and a little depressed – feeling that he shouldn’t feel the way he does.
He didn’t know if therapy would help him, but he was desperate to feel better. He made the hard call.
And it was hard for him to pick up the phone and admit that he needed help to sort out some things. He felt sheepish, even guilty because compared to many, his life was good.
“First world problems?” Whatever! Problems are relative.
Jordan’s experience was about learning.
It didn’t take long for Jordan to learn how to get honest with himself and know that he liked having a supportive place to wrestle with difficult emotions and decisions that he needed to make. He also enjoyed having a place to help him be accountable.
He learned how to be interested and curious about how he felt and to allow himself to be honest with himself about what he wanted. He got creative about ways to support himself.
He learned the need to have an honest conversation trumped his concern for hurting the other person – and the discomfort he would feel having the conversation.
He learned how to listen to his fears and anxiety and use his emotions to determine the most important. He practiced not rushing himself to act on things and learned that good things often happened if he took his time. He learned more productive ways to have important conversations.
Now, Jordan has a new song!
Ultimately, Jordan not only got his groove back, but he created an entirely new song for himself.
He was pleased with how his relationship with his children seemed more mutually respectful and that his wife seemed more attentive and supportive.
He learned to understand and communicate his needs, understand, and feel more understood in his family.
Jordan is still writing his story. He is happier and more confident, knowing that he has the tools and inner resources to meet his needs. He is learning to translate this into how he relates with his kids and wife, and he is a better partner and parent.
Learning to be healthy is a choice.
Viktor Frankl said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
Therapy provides the stimulus in a safe space that will empower you to respond to freedom. Therapy will help you to be healthy with your thoughts, feelings, and emotions.
We grow by learning the right response.
How we deal with ourselves impacts our relationships, the way we parent, how we build community, and the way we lead.
Let’s say you are in a job you don’t like. New age dogma says, “Be grateful for what you have and focus on the positive.” That is not wrong. But it’s not the entire story. And it’s not always helpful to think this way.
Internal pain does not go away just because you choose to ignore it.
Learning to listen to yourself with compassion and acceptance is the first step to solving any problem that you are facing.
Take Jordan’s advice and learn to grow.
Let me help you become comfortable being uncomfortable and learn how to use your emotions to heal and grow and be happy.
It will not only help you to face the emotions you rather didn’t exist, but I will teach you how to use those difficult thoughts and feelings to understand and meet your deepest needs.
For the rest of your life, you will have tools to help yourself and teach your children, friends, and family. (Only if they are interested, of course!)
You are the hero in this story.
No one can do the work for you. You are the hero of your own story. My role is to accompany you wherever you want to go.
Whatever scary, complicated, and unimaginable emotion or situation that you have endured in your past, I will accompany you there and hold the space for healing.
Healing means you come to wholeness. It’s much more profound and more prosperous than just moving on – or getting over it – or not feeling at all.
You do the healing. I hold the space. You integrate the tools, make them your own, and therapy eventually becomes obsolete.
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