Couples Therapy

It isn’t really about the dishes.

Many couples are frustrated because most of their problems seem repetitive, cyclical, and unsolvable.

It’s hard to have the same fights repeatedly. Often arguments devolve from the initial subject (what are we fighting about anyway?) into screaming matches with hurt feelings, misunderstandings, anger, and disappointment.

You are upset both about your behavior and your partner’s.

Problems arise, but solutions are possible.

Every romantic relationship will deal with problems at one point or another. Having disagreements about situations, topics, and opinions is entirely normal and even healthy.

Unfortunately, many couples go through seasons where they can’t ever get on the same page, where feelings of closeness are a long, lost memory.

Research shows that 70% of the problems that couples face are unsolvable and ongoing. The good news is that study showed that those couples who had unsolvable issues were, in fact, more likely to stay together than those who did not.

Growth comes from solving problems together.

Maybe those couples with unsolvable problems learned that the solution was not to solve the problem but to create a greater understanding of themselves and each other.

With increased understanding, we can tend to our own needs while understanding our partner’s needs with compassion.

Understanding allows both of you to look toward a solution together, as you grow in your relationship.

Unfortunately, no written instructions are included.

Most of us westerners think relationships are ready from the beginning. When things get hard or stuck, people feel they have made a huge mistake.

However, some assembly is required for most relationships.

If only we would get a user’s manual with instructions about how to live, play, and parent with our partners.

The good news is that we do have a manual!

The instructions are hidden in our and our partner’s thoughts, feelings, emotions, and histories.

When we are emotionally hijacked by experiences that may have nothing to do with our partner or the reality of the current situation, it’s hard to solve a disagreement.

That’s not fair to yourself or your relationship.

Give your relationship a chance!

Therapy provides couples that chance.

In couples therapy with me, you will learn to focus on each other in new ways, learning to pay attention to day-to-day moments that strung together make up the heart of a relationship.

As a couples therapist and a teacher, I aim to teach you the relationship skills you need to grow and deepen your relationship for the rest of your lives together.

We work on skill building and the creation of a meaningful future. Instead of thoughtless reacting, you learn how to respond to your partner in a balanced and thoughtful way.

You will learn to use your emotions to open up yourself to what is most important to you and learn how to communicate in a way that your partner can hear.

Don’t continue to fly without a compass.

Very few people had good relationship role models. Most people are flying blind.

While working with me, you will learn concrete, proven ways to create the future with your partner that you imagined when you first got together.

Discover what your relationship can be! Recreate the love, affection, and mutual satisfaction that you once shared.

I am LGBTQ+ affirming and welcome folks of all identities and relationship styles that seek help.

Let’s chat! Please complete the form below or call me.