Make Sense of Your Emotions
Experience the relief that comes with responding to your own needs.
Based in Bend, OR
Therapy for Individuals and Couples in Oregon
We are all looking for love.
It’s late. You’re up – anxiously waiting to hear something: a phone call, a text, some reassurance.
You know that he will come home eventually, but fear and anger are all-encompassing.
Trying to fall asleep, you tell yourself that you deserve more, more connection, more intimacy, more respect.
Instead, you’re left with the same old thing, lack of communication, evasion, loneliness.
You feel fairly sure that things can’t or won’t change.
This life feels stuck and empty, but you are afraid to make a move. You don’t have the tools, the words, or the confidence to address it.
Hope to get to sleep before he returns, so he doesn’t see how upset you are.
But in that swirl of negative emotions and feelings of not good enough, sleep does not come easy.
My partner should know what I need, right?
I mean, she knows this is important to me. Why isn’t she supportive? How come she can only think about herself? She never understands…
Feeling suffocated and angry – it is easy to get upset when she doesn’t come through the way you want. You make up all kinds of stories about why she doesn’t understand; why she is so selfish – why you are frustrated, disappointed, and feeling like you are not doing it right yet again.
The paradox is that when you stand for yourself and lovingly tend to your own needs, you can only get what you want from others.
But who has time?!?!
Dealing with emotions takes time and energy.
All of the painful emotions that you have ignored, because who has time to deal with anger, distress, and upset anyway – there are kids to feed, spouses to soothe, and work projects to complete!
Besides, you’ve found ways to keep painful feelings at bay.
Which is good because even when you do stop to think about the things that hurt, the voice in your head says that doesn’t matter because “you should be over that by now” or “big boys don’t cry,” or “stop being so dramatic!”
Better to move on to easier things.
But where do those emotions go?
Unfortunately, time does not heal all wounds.
Therapy is like cleaning the hard drive of your computer.
Things are working okay, but after you defrag your hard drive, it’s much faster.
It is the same with our emotions. When we clean up past anger and honestly address the underlying cause, it will no longer be in the background and interfering with the present and our hopes for the future.
With attention, you clear out all of the stuff that is no longer useful. Feelings of shame from grade school, anger at abuse or mistreatment, fears for your safety.
It is possible.
It requires courage to go into dark places and make things right once and for all. It also requires action and doing new things that may feel inherently uncomfortable – at first.
Skillfully navigating the sometimes dark yet rich world of feelings brings freedom from early trauma, unresolved issues, confusion, anxiety, and frustration. With awareness, you can control what you are feeling and learn what you need to be happy.
You will always have feelings.
You may as well get good at using them.
The idea is not to be free from painful emotions but to learn how to use what they tell you to make the necessary changes in your life.
Emotions are widely misunderstood. They are usually either ignored and repressed or acted out impulsively and explosively.
Happiness depends on feeling good.
Just as your five physical senses serve to navigate your body, emotions help you navigate and explore your life. Your emotions are guides, leading you toward feeling inner peace amidst the challenges life brings.
My office is a safe space where I will guide you back to yourself and teach you how to acknowledge, accept, and utilize your painful emotions for creating exactly what you want in your life.
Hi, I’m Nirmal
We are all looking for safety and security.
No one wants an uncertain future, an insecure job, a relationship devolving into unhappiness, or disappearing altogether.
Safety and security are not boring – in fact, they are quite the opposite!
Taking the risk of being yourself completely, creating the life and love you most desire, is one of the most exciting, challenging, and rewarding things you can do.
Safety and security are liberating.
When you do not always have to take your partner’s emotional temperature (or measuring your own), worrying about what you said or what she said, there is freedom.
Safety and security support the freedom that allows you to create your ideal life.
I help individuals and couples have the kind of relationships they want.
Together, we’ll figure out what is causing the pain and feelings of separation. We’ll then make sure you have practical ways to close the gap between your self-doubt and your ideal life.
Whether you are in a relationship or single, see how your relationships transform as you learn to tend lovingly to yourself first. Experience the relief that comes when you can meet yourself where you are, process your emotions, and respond to your own needs.
It’s my mission to help people get fluent in the language of emotions and to learn to use those emotions to get what they need in their relationships.
